do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
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Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?