please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high