i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
