Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO