made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
