Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
