Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
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I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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