Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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