He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
