I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
