Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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