ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
