The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
