I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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