i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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