you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
