So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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