your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
