don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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