clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
