I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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