Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
