I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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