Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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