I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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