my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Pooping to opera.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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