I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
