i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize