Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
