I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
