I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
