I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
