he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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