we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
