i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
