her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
