And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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