I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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