It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're not piercing ourselves today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
