we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
