I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
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... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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