Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
