i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
