Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Banned from zoo.
Again?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
