I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
