I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
