I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
