The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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