I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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