I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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