I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
