Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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