i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
