well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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