I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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