opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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