he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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