This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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