dude i'm inner monologue high
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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