be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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