We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
