i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
