hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Panties = found
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
