I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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