All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
