I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
