im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's like God shit irony all over that family
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
