New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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