The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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