Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
