Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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