yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
