We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
