Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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